


Fixing things

by creativwritingmind



Series: Two [53]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 20:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind





	Fixing things

"Nothing is as broken so it can't be fixed. Some people just lack creativity." I don't know why that sentence stuck to me so much, as it where told to my ten year old self in my grandfathers yarn on a nearly corny summer afternoon. He had said a lot of things to me over all the years, but somehow this sentence was something that started to define me, when he picked up a part of the broken car he were renovating for years then and pointed at my grandmother, working in the garden near by. "We were broken more then one time, son, but we never ran out of ideas how to fix things. And that is the only thing you gotta know." I'm good at fixing things. I'm great in picking up the pieces. And I'm even better in holding the fragments together that form the lump that should be my heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's cold and rainy on the outside of the small bar and I don't get why we even drove here. We knew from the begining there would be no one watching us play, still, in stubborn manner of the young and infamous we tried to assure each other that we needed every oportunity we could get. I should have recognised that this road only could go south. Too late I heared the crack, saw the parts of him come apart. Tyler knows I watch him closely, he knows I do it for longer then he has noticed, but strangely he never called me out for it. Accepting my worshipping attention he adjusted his behaviour slightly though...around me, he has no masks. And it is worth a whole lot more then having his heart in a way. 

Still, sometimes, I wish I could kiss his doubts away, because sometimes, at nights like this, when he's shivering somewhere on the outside, letting the rain soak his clothes so they can pull him down into the abyss of his mind faster, I feel like my words are just not enough to reach him. It is no other this time, as I call his name, soft, reaching out for his arm and running my fingers lightly through the stream of water moistening his skin. Tyler doesn't react and I don't expect him to. He doesn't struggle against me neither as I slip my arm around his shoulders and start to pull him along, walk him down the street and around the corner, to where our van is parked. The rain plays symphonies on our heads while I push the backdoors open, waiting quietly for him to crawl inside and following him, covering us in dull darkness as I pull the metal barrier to the outside world shut. 

There are too much noises to make out his heartbeat, so I rely on making me feel, slipping my palm up his chest under his clammy shirt until it's placed right where his beat has it's source. Tyler breaths with me and he's calming down and I know he'll be ok, because I'm good at repairing broken faith.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's frustrating and exhausting and I really don't want to be here anymore. For hours and hours and hours we are shooting now, and I get that this video is important...but I'm not sure if they all get how important it is to us. Tyler was awefully quiet all day, and I know he has issues with Jenna. Their relationship is so new, so pure, and he doesn't know how to handle it. How should he? Ty never lost his heart before. I'm trying to be a friend and talk to him, but honestly, I guess it's better if I keep myself out of it. Not for him maybe, but for me. I'm aware that what he did for me is inimitably. I know that I'm granted with a bond that will last for a lifetime, with a soul that is given in my hands to take care of. Still I recognise too well, that love will be stronger then this. She is patient, she is kind. Jenna is the embodyment of love. I've never seen a more perfect person. And she is his, just as he is hers and there's nothing I will do about it. 

So I sit it out, his fidgety about not being able to call her. I listen to his complaints about how it's not fair that she has to be so far away. Around noon I need a brake, so I go outside, go for a run, aimlessly pushing my body over the concrete. The sweat cleans me from the hypocrisy of my mind. Of course I try to love Jenna, of course I will accept her on his side. Still I can't deny that greedy little part of me that whishes her death for every time she's able to make him smile while he just spits his venom out on me. When I get back I am tranquilized and ready to get the damn video shots done, my confidence faltering when I enter the scene. 

Nobody else then me is to blame for this. I should have stayed, should have watched him. I didn't know what they planned though. The moment Tyler takes the nooze off his neck and leans foreward, head falling in his hands, I can hear the snapping in his mind. He lazyly laughs at the directors joke, accepts the bottle of water pushed in his hand. But he doesn't stop trembling, not until we're alone, for the split of a second, as I pull him into a restroom, close the lock quicker then he can ask and just cradle him in my arms. It doesn't take long for him to let go, it doesn't take long for the tears to clean the mist of his mind. When he's ready, I take step back, quickly checking up on the damage he has done to his makeup. I fix it, with a few expertly touches. I'm good at that.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Will you be ok?" Tyler askes me, seriouesness written all over his face, and I can't believe he is doing this to me. "No." I say, honest as I am, and as dumb as ever. He looks away and I know I've earned it, the visible rejection, the manifestation of his dissapointment. "It doesn't mean I'm not happy for you." I press, listening intently to the voice outside, hoping they will come soon to get him to walk down that aisle. God knows why they all think we need this moment, when it's the last thing we should share right now. "You know I'll never forgive myself for not loving you." Even if so small his voice still throws me off balance, even more then the words that he says. "Tyler, don't..." "No, listen." He doesn't get louder, there's no need to, it's enough that he catches my wrist and locks his fingers around it, "I mean it. I will never forgive myself to not beeing able to open my heart to you. And I don't deserve your forgiveness too. Still I hope you won't let me go out there without knowing you will at least try to move on, ok?" 

Starring at the stark constrast of his skin on mine I break a promise, one of the sacred one's we found in the very beginings. I lie to him. I tell Tyler that I'll start to date people. I tell him I'll give Debby another chance. I tell him everything he want to hear, just so he can go out there and smile, and take his place on her side, and say his vow and all this meaningless prayers without a shadow in his mind. Maybe he knows I'm not telling the truth, we're at a point were neither of us can tell if we know each other anymore. But for know, he takes it, gratefull for my sacrifice, and I thank his god for the strengths he gives me when I pat his back and tell him that it's just his nerves, that this happens to the best of grooms. When Zack knocks I give him a run over, straigthen his collar, fluff up his hair a bit. He's looking stunning for her now. I'm good at that. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tyler is cold, awefully cold and miserable. Whatever bug he catched, it's taking him down and this time his strong will can't do anything against it. Whenever he's not necessarily needed on his feet he's horizontal, an arm drapped over his eyes, the other curled around his stomach. I hate to force him up, but I can't do the interviews alone, it would raise too much conspiracies. He obliges after that being told, but he clings to me like a puppy and I realise quickly he'll faint if I let go. So I ignore the feeling of his ribs under my fingers as I wrap my arm around his middle and let him lean his little weight on my shoulders, dragging us both more into the meeting room then walking us there. This isn't good, I don't like it. Jenna should be around to deal with this, but just now she had to fly to her grandmothers funeral. I'm sure part of why Ty is so sick is that she's not here, he has gotten attached to her like that. 

Thankfull that he make it through at least two of the interviews before he's breaking I let him place a pillow against my arm and snuggle up to it in the third, overplaying the soft snorring he gives and letting the reporter think he'd be joking. When we're done I wait for everyone to leave the room and they do, our people know the process by now. Hesitating I raise my hand, drive it through his hair, mumble a tender "Hey!" into his ear. Tyler doesn't answer, not in an audible way, but he practically climbs my lap and presses himself against me as if I'm the only thing keeping him from falling apart. Groaning on the heat that now radiates him I pick him up, tell Mark to keep off people with cameras and carry him back to his hotel room. It will be a long night of taking care and making sure he takes the meds, of wrapping cold clothes around his neck and stroking sweaty hair out of his face. In the morning, he'll be better, renewed in a way. I know that for sure. I'm good at nursing.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My smile is real, for the first in a very long time and I really wish Tyler would be there to see it. But he's away, on the other side of the states and maybe it is good that way. We needed a break, in every sense of way, from life, from fame, from each other. I have not expected Debby to forgive me so easy, I have not dared to dream that she had missed me all those months. But she did. I know people don't like her, but in the depths of her soul she's a good kind of person and sooner or later they will get that. Yes, there's a part of her that's broken, the part she tries to overplay with her fitted strength. But I got an idea how to get rid of that, I'm creative after all. There are no things irrepairable. They are just laking people who are willing to try.


End file.
